In An Era of Distractions, Let's Encourage Pretend Play

In my last blog entry Learning to Play? (er... a month ago. How did that happen?) I discussed a child development observation that has been making headlines lately: today's children don't play the way their parents did. The end result of today's play culture may be children who miss out on important developmental skills, including learning how to self-regulate in both the cognitive and social-emotional sense. In a nutshell, the observations by child specialists are that today's children:

1. Play almost exclusively with children their age and don't have older child "play mentors."
2. Are heavily involved in adult-led activities and are unable to practice unstructured make-believe play with other children.
3. Watch more t.v., play more video games and spend less time outside and are becoming passive both in mind and body.

So, what can we, as parents, do to change the social scaffolding that are children's lives have become attached to? The good news is that there is much we can do--whether your child is a 1 year old or 10 year old.

First of all, let's look at our own choices as parents. Putting our kids into activities like karate or gymnastics or math clubs aren't bad things to do. They are enrichment activities which are fun for kids and keep them active. What we as parents need to understand, however, is that unstructured pretend play is not "doing nothing." And it is just--if not more--important than playing both baseball and soccer. Make-believe play encourages higher symbolic thinking and the development of self-regulation (i.e. planning skills and impulse control). These cognitive and social-emotional skills are learned while children act out ideas and stories while using different props. (As an aside, this is another reason why reading to your children is so important. Having a library of stories in their heads to draw upon gives them a jumping off point for play activities and allows them to make up alternate versions of the story lines.) We need to choose to give our children the time and space to learn and exercise these skills.

So, what can we do? The following short articles written in 2008 by D.J. Leong and E. Bodrova--originators in the Tools of the Mind program--offer suggestions that parents can use to encourage mature play at home and in playgroups.

The first article, Make Believe Play at Home, breaks down the needs of children by age, noting that whereas children who are between the ages of 3-5 generally need help thinking up ideas of what to pretend, children who are between the ages of 1-3 don't know how to pretend play if no one shows them! They list simple ideas in bullet point form to help you understand what your role should be--and should not be--when encouraging make-believe play.

The second article, Mature Play Skills in Playgroups, encourages parents to invite over children of different ages, gives ideas for kick-starting the group and dealing with a very active group of children that will still encourage self-regulation.

I hope these articles are helpful! And please leave comments with any of your thoughts and suggestions on how to encourage our children to play creatively!

Learning to Play?

A few weeks ago I heard an interesting segment on NPR entitled “Creative Play Makes for Kids in Control.” As an advocate of creative play, and mother to a boy with difficulties self-regulating, I was intrigued. What is the connection between open-ended play and self-regulation? It turns out, what I heard not only surprised me, but required me to rethink my assumptions about play environments and children today.

The NPR news report focuses on a particular preschool that employs the Tools of the Mind curriculum. The basic underpinnings of the Tools of the Mind program is that children today are not often in situations that require them to learn to self regulate. What is self-regulation and why is it so important? Self regulation is the ability to manage one’s feelings, behaviors and impulses. Children that are able to manage themselves better (for example, resist the urge to talk with friends during circle time or get upset because s/he wasn’t first in line) are also better able to focus, pay attention and learn.

Listening to the NPR program, I was able to hear the teachers and children in the school interact. But what I heard completely surprised me. Why? Because it didn’t sound like creative play to me—the children were required to plan out their play scenario before they even picked up a block. In fact, they needed to fill out paperwork about their intended game, draw a picture of it and verbally reiterate their intentions. Yikes, I thought. What’s up with that? Talk about an adult-driven, overly-structured environment! But I kept listening.

As it turns out, the theory behind the curricula is rooted in the belief that today children play very differently than they did when I was a child in the late 60s and 70s. Where at the age of 4 I walked out the door with my older brother and sister to join in the neighborhood kids’ game of kickball or pretend “school,” children today are highly circumscribed in their movements (allow my 4 year old to roam the neighborhood with the big kids? No way.) They spend a lot more time safely indoors with adult supervision—in a daycare or karate class with children exactly their age, or at home with the TV or some other type of electronic entertainment endlessly looping. So, whereas I learned “mature” play skills from older children in the neighborhood, children today are missing out on what we all took for granted: multi-age interaction and interaction that isn’t being regulated by an adult.

And what do many children do today in their "spare time?" Music and Movement class? Adult-led. Karate? Adult-led. Art class? Gymnastics? Baseball? All adult-led. All of these extra-curricular activities require the child to listen to an adult, and, essentially, be regulated by an adult. And although the classes are stimulating and beneficial in specific ways, children are not practicing how to self-regulate as they would during make-believe play with other children. Older children—referred to as “play mentors” by child specialists—model more mature and creative play that engages symbolic thinking, exercises the executive brain functions (i.e., planning, rule acquisition, ability to control impulses) and leads to mature self-regulating behaviors. With all of the enrichment classes and scheduled same-age play dates, the opportunities for children to learn mature play skills from older children are few and far between. The basic emotional and cognitive skills that we took for granted while playing with the neighborhood kids aren't being learned by a whole generation of children.

So then what does this curriculum featured on NPR have to do with creating opportunities for children to learn from “play mentors”? Aren’t these classroom situations still adult-led? Not exactly. Let’s back up. Have you ever watched your child talk to themselves during play? I never really thought much about it when my 4 year old would talk out loud to no one in particular about what his car was doing or what it was going to do (Cooper is freakishly obsessed with cars). Apparently during make-believe play children carry on this inner dialog about what they are doing which, essentially, is a form of self-regulation. They think it (plan the intended play); they say it (“super-fast race car is going to rescue race car no. 55 from the sharks!”); and then they do it. Kids also carry on that dialog during make believe play with each other—plus additional steps such as negotiation. So, back we are to the Tools of the Mind program. That paperwork and planning? It’s mimicking the inner dialog children would be doing under circumstances where make believe play happens often and with multi-age children. In a nutshell, the program is giving children opportunities to exercise mature make-believe play skills, learn to develop those skills and, in turn, learn self-regulation. By mimicking the process of inner dialog, and modeling "play mentor" behavior, the Tools of the Mind program taps that part of the brain that requires executive functioning—an increasingly underused cognitive skill for children who spend a great deal of time being entertained.

It does make you wonder about the rise in children with ADHD. Certainly there are children whose behavior is not a result of missed make-believe play opportunities. But, what about the other children who show ADHD characteristics—impulsive, emotional and unfocused—yet are not unduly hindered by the learning challenges faced by those clearly diagnosed with the disorder? Why the rise in children with this type of emotional and cognitive challenges? Many specialists seem to think it’s a direct result of lost emotional and cognitive learning opportunities usually met through pretend play.

Over the years I've noticed that my older son--who has sensory integration difficulties and trouble self regulating-- plays more calmly and with more purpose when he is with an older playmate. It is interesting to note that processing sensory information is done in the executive regions of the brain. Would my son benefit from a more make-believe play time? Possibly, but I think that he might benefit from make-believe play time with more mature play mentors. Since he is my oldest child, he doesn't have the opportunities that my younger children have to learn from a bigger kid. Except that when it comes down to it, I'm a big kid. I'm not as good as an 8 year old boy, but I can certainly fill in some gaps.

Stay tuned for suggestions on how you can find opportunities for your child to engage in make-believe play both with other kids and at home.

How does a mermaid tail promote social and language skills?

This is the question a friend asked me recently after she spent some time on LivingPlaying.com. She was viewing our Dress Up & Playhouses category and noticed the Mermaid Tail And Crown dress up set. She also noticed the icon for social and language skills. "How," she asked, "does a mermaid tail aid in such important skill development?" It's a valid question, and the answer is not terribly obvious, I suppose.

Pretend or dramatic play is a complex process which takes root at about 1 to 2 years old, but becomes more obvious and interactive past the age of 3. Where a 2 year old might imitate his parents actions (i.e. cooking or cleaning) a 4 year old will include props and other children in his more complicated scenario (a dinner party). Children practice and learn developmental skills through play. They learn how to interact with other children and adults while engaging in pretend play.

But how would a costume aid in social and language skills? When children try on or create costumes, they are trying on the rules and personas of the world around them. They get to decide how to use a costume to express themselves. They can create roles and rules for others. But in order to do these things, children need to learn how to successfully respond to or communicate feelings or wishes. In other words, kids need to use their words or body to make themselves understood.

In addition, as children explore a fantasy, they also have the opportunity to seek out the language to express that fantasy. This is where parental verbal support aids in development. Your child says "Mommy, I'm a mermee! I can swim!" and you say "Oh! Are you a mermaid? Do you live in the ocean? Do you have scales on your tail?" And the child's fantasy is enriched by your encouragement and suggestions. You hear her use the word scales and listen as she tells you that hers are magical and help her swim faster in the ocean. Her playdate is now her mermaid sister and they are searching for a place to live.

Makes you want to be a kid again, doesn't it? :)

On Parenting and the Detritus of Life

Parenting is hard. That's not news, right?

I find myself struggling to keep up with all of the moving parts of my children's lives. I'll bet lots of other parents do as well. But it never looks that way from the outside, does it? From where I stand, it seems that all of the other parents at my children's school are up-to-date with handing in forms and permission slips, effortlessly remember to bring in old milk jugs, egg cartons or other random recyclable craft project supplies, have the show-and-tell dates engraved on the inside of their arms and find the time to volunteer no matter what their busy schedule.

This is not me.

I would like to be that parent. I aspire to be that parent. But I am not that parent. I am that parent. You know, the other one.

Case in point: I completely forgot to hand in a recipe for my 4 year old's class cookbook. Just totally forgot. So, yesterday I receive the recipe book and I'm flipping through it feeling guilty. And then...the knife in the heart. I read:

Quote:

---

From the Kitchen of Cooper G.
Recipe: Chicken Nuggets and French Fries

People at the french fry store make the french fries and chicken nuggets. Eat them when you get home. Dip the chicken nuggets and french fries into ketchup. Eat it and drink chocolate milk.

---

Oh...the humiliation...

What's new? Lots!

Now that the holiday season is over I've been able to catch my breath and focus on restocking the store (Sarah's Silks, Anatex mazes and ImagiPLAY puzzles are back!). Plus, I'm finding new, fun products that I know you'll love! I've put together a preview of new in-stock items and new, fun things to come! So check 'em out and let me know what you think!

(And Pssst! Don't miss our special Winter Clearance Sale where you will find an assortment of creative play toys from 20-50% off!! Don't forget, with a $100 order we also ship UPS ground for FREE!)

What's New In Stock

In our crafts section: In stock!
Super fun project kits for kids 8+ which include adorable themed Rock Painting Kits. Cat & Mouse, Pirate & Treasure, Dragon & Castle. How fun is that??
Reg. Price: $9.99

In Montessori: In stock!
This Layered Oak Leaf Puzzle depicts the beautiful transformations that occur during an Oak Leaf's life cycle, while using layers to enhance sorting, spatial placement and manual dexterity skills. Great hands-on learning tool!
Reg. Price: $16.99

In Classic Wooden Toys: In Stock!
The timeless Village of Towers Block Set is a carefully proportioned, open-ended block set comprised of 27 pieces that all nest into the largest 9 x 9 inch cube for easy storage. The set encourages freethinking and creativity, and helps develop an awareness of spatial placement.
Reg. Price: $59.99

In Dress Up: In Stock!

Pretend Dress-Up and Play-Along Kits are designed to give boys and girls a satisfying interactive play experience, complete with a book and a costume in every box. Look for The Fairy Princess Pretend Dress Up Kit and the I'm a Pirate Captain Pretend Dress Up Kit!
Both Reg. Price: $12.99

In our new category One-of-A-Kind Sock Animals: In stock!
Will you look at that face?! This is Pokey. And he is something special. You must come meet his friends.
Reg. Price: $34.99

Coming Soon!
Coming soon are some really special items for our Dress Up and Pretend Play categories. Each are handmade here in the USA by a talented young mother and designer. Here is a preview!


In Pretend Play: Coming Soon!
Valentine Postcard Set. This adorable hand-sewn postcard pair is the perfect Valentine's Day Play set for your little love! Send hugs and kisses over and over and over again!
Reg. Price: $14.99






In Dress Up: Coming Soon!
The Mermaid Tail. What I love about this costume is how easy it is for kiddos to play. The tail ties around the waist with a grosgrain ribbon to accommodate many different sized mermaids and let them swim (run) free! Plus, it's washable!
Reg Price: $44.99



So stop by the store to check out our new cool stuff! And after next month, I will be adding even more new products after my annual visit to the New York Toy Fair in February (this is where toy manufacturers showcase their new product lines to buyers. Very fun!).

As always, feel free to drop a line if you don't see something that you would like to have, or, if you have questions about availability--or even if you just want to say "hi!" I would love to hear from you!

Take good care,

Jen
Owner
LivingPlaying.com
Toys & Games for Creative Play

Shipping Issues for LivingPlaying Solved

Some of you may have noticed some bizarre shipping charges at checkout yesterday, as well as problems putting some items in your shopping cart. My sincere apologies for the glitch. I can't imagine what some of you must have thought when you received an almost $40 shipping charge! I'm actually quite embarassed. {blush} I send out thanks to one customer who called to tell me about the problem(s). Thank you Katherine!

On another, but related note: as many of you are aware, LivingPlaying does not combine coupon codes and the $100 free shipping offer. I ask that you please honor that condition when you are checking out. If you inadvertently use the coupon code when you have placed more than $100 of product in your cart, I will manually re-figure the shipping and discount when your order is processed so that you receive the higher of the two discounts, but not both. Thank you!

And finally, there are some items that require a shipping surcharge because they are heavy or bulky or both (we have a 27 lb item--can you believe that? it's darn heavy). That surcharge is in addition to regular shipping charges. However, if you purchase more than $100 worth of product, you will only be charged the surcharge for the heavy item, not shipping for the rest of the products. Make sense? Excellent. If you have further questions, please check out our Shipping Policies page for more answers: http://www.livingplaying.com/free-shipping.html

That's it! And of course if you have questions about the policy or run into problems on the site, please do call me. I'm more than happy to chat and resolve any problem!

Parenting Paranoia Club. Membership is Mandatory!

When my son Ryan was about 11 months old, I realized that all mothers have at least one closely-held and largely unshakable Parenting Paranoia. (And I say “at least” because my anecdotal evidence reveals that typically we have more than one.) I came to this realization several years ago as I was driving with a childhood friend and our two children to the Boston Children’s Museum. My friend Ruthie seemed somewhat distracted by the kids in the back. Both kids were securely strapped into their car seats, but she kept turning around to “check,” give her son’s car seat a little shake, and adjust the already secure straps. Earlier that day, she had installed her son’s car seat into my car. She hadn’t been totally happy with the installation, even though to my eye and standards, it was fine. I didn’t think much more about it.

Later, after we were done with the chaos of the museum, and were sitting down to grab a snack, she watched me carefully break apart somewhat soggy french fries and place them in front of Ryan to eat. She looked at me quizzically and said “are you afraid of him choking?” Yes, I admitted somewhat sheepishly. I’d had this fear ever since he started eating solid foods at around 6 months. “The mandible is pretty hard,” she said. “They do a good job of mashing up food if kids don’t have all their teeth in yet.” I knew she was right, but my fear, though not unreasonable, was somewhat paranoid—not unlike her car seat “issue.” She later admitted to me that she fears car seat failure more than most people might feel is healthy.

But paranoia aside, I later was glad to have a fixation on choking—or rather on preventing choking. Several months after the Children’s Museum outing, when Ryan was now 18 months old, I had neglected to cut up all of his grapes, and sure enough, my boy got one stuck in his windpipe. Luckily I knew how to dislodge the grape, and it popped right out. The reason I knew how to help him was because I’d paid especially close attention to the instructions during a mini CPR course I’d taken a few months earlier. Paranoia saves the day!

In all seriousness, though, food isn’t the only choking danger for children.

Toys are labeled “not for children under three” for a reason
We often see age recommendations on the boxes or directions for children's toys. Why are they there? Retailers and manufacturers have good reason to make these recommendations. One obvious reason is to let you know if a toy is developmentally appropriate for your child. He or she will get the most enjoyment out of a product that is specifically made for his or her developmental range. The other reason toys have recommended ages is simply to keep your child safe. Many wonderful toys on the market are perfectly safe for your 10 year old, but not for a child under three. That is because children under the age of three typically explore objects not only with their eyes and hands, but also with their mouths. This type of behavior is developmentally appropriate and not easily discouraged as most parents already understand. In order to keep children safe, toys that contain small parts are labeled "Age: 3+" because they may contain small parts that could get stuck in the narrow throat of a young child and pose a choking hazard. As a general rule, if a toy or toy part can fit in or pass through a toilet paper tube, it is a choking hazard and should be put away until your child has left his or her oral phase behind. If you have older children in the house, toys with small parts should be played with out of the reach of younger siblings or playmates. It is a good idea for parents to look beyond the labeled information, however, and examine new toys for their potential as a choking hazard. And that means not just small parts, but small parts that might break up during the course of play.